you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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