WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We got so high we made milksteak
Everything about him screamed your future.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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