Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
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