I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
