I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
