i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am spending my child support on dildos
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
