smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
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