He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
