I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize