I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
