aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
