I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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