Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Watching her eat just hurts me
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
