He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
