Can Purell be used as lube?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
