You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
