my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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