I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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