I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
