We named our party play list daddy issues
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize