I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
