I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
