Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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