all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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