Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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