listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
me + whiskey = a bad person
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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