Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
