i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize