You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
