You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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