dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
