I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
