I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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