Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize