I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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