I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
