The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
