After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
