As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
