You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
