Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
