and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
