it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
17 year olds will be the death of me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
