so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize