i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm too high and old for this...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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