Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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