Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
