the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
