he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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