I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
