I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
