I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
