gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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