Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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