If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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