So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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