can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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