3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
