Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize