I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
