Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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