Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
