Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize