Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
