Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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