I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
