This is not my ceiling
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
