his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
How's work?
Spinning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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