I wish I could teleport
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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