i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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