maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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