just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
