I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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