so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
