Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm really busy with my period
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