My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
