Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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