YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
