Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I would fuck him just for his dog
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize