Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
