ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
