My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
