We're facebook friends in real life
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
