we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize