Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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