Me too!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
