if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
