Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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