the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up under a house in Key West
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