This is not my ceiling
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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