I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I wear drunk well.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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