Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
