only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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