smell my finger.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize