I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
