Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
