We won't sleep together?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Panties = found
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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