Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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