All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
