I think I am morally bankrupt
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
