I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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