Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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