How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
