I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize