Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
