Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
