it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
