Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
