Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
40s are totally the cure
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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