yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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