Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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