You made me cry and you don't even care
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
