OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
